On page to sell yourself. Think about it, and start simple.
This is one page where you get to boast about your achievements, past work experience, awards, grade point average, college background, and if you are creative enough dick length or breast size. The actual resume is probably the lesser grandiloquent pieces of the two parts to a resume. The resume is simply a bullet point sheet that modern society and critical writing courses have forced upon us to be able to separate likely candidates and rank them. The cover letter is really where you give an overblown and ostentatious presentation of your skills and how they relate to a specific role. The letter is generally the same to each company or employer because you have exhausted all the strong vocabulary words you possess, and cannot half-honestly boast any further about yourself and "successes." You have a page to pimp the shit out of yourself and there is a good chance you don't even have that. Most of the employers will skim your masterfully crafted pretentious piece of self-capitulation and either decide to call you to hear more. They will disregard the rest of the letter or just toss it into the waste basket next to Jeremy Rennick and Susan Wainthrop, two others who will remain unemployed.
Facebook/Twitter/Blogs:
I feel these three are completely over-saturated by comments and fun poking remarks so I will keep this brief and tie them all in together. Each social media avenue is a way to sell yourself to your friends, family, and colleagues. It is a place to sell them on the fact that "you're worthy of their time." That you are a fun person to be with, that you a knowledgeable person, that you will help their status in this world in some way...I fear we are all sociopaths. On Twitter you write about your thoughts, but wont put anything up there that too many people will disagree with, or anything you feel they wont pay attention to. You hash tag the shit out of your comment making it practically illegible, just so that it shows up on various feeds and you expand your reach. You throw in a few @ signs and create a symbol that looks like some sort of Japanese character mixed with an ancient Egyptian war token. This is followed by the false belief you just made twitter art that will become the hottest trending accident since #winning.
Facebook is too easy. Clearly you are using that page to sell yourself by posting videos you think you are the first to see (meanwhile its has 8.2M views in the last 24 hours). You are pumped about some political jargon and want to insight a fucking fantastic discussion on your wall that only excites 3 people in the entire world while pissing off 300 who get the feed updates.
And blogs. I'm selling myself right now with this long one-pager. I am trying to come off as a witty, narcissitic aspiring writer who thinks way too many people care about what I say. My hopes are that they will care and I have successfully sold myself to 5 or 6 more people who might read my next post about womanizing, the modern tree and how they tie together.
The Online Dating Profile
This is the mother of the self selling one pages we put together. You are convincing people of the opposite sex, and well maybe the same sex if that is your journey to spend time with you outside of the internet. These are people who have never met your charming ass self and have but one page and a maximum of 20 photos to decide if they would like to risk the chance of your being a serial rapist or practicing man witch and take this thing to the next level. The online dating profile is your place to shine, to show all your amazing self-centered qualities, without sounding like a self-interested, pompous and vainglorious pric. Unless of course that is how you want to sell yourself, and if so, by all means rock this shit out of that profile, you may even "find love in a hopeless place." If you are a female you're trying to explain how you are gainfully employed and in no way need support from a male, but think a guy should open each and every door, gather flowers when he has been out of line, who is never weak and always strong, and believes you whether you are right or wrong. You then will post 10-15 photos that are of course, in your mind, the best photos you have ever taken. They will show just enough skin to reveal that you are not devoted to god, but will likely not fuck on the first 2-3 dates.
This page is where you can talk about the things you cannot live without, things you are okay with not living with. You can talk about your career goals no matter how far off they are from what you are doing, making yourself sound cultured, sophisticated, and motivated. You need to sell yourself, otherwise you will stay just as lonely as you were before your decided to pay $75 for a three month membership to online date frolicking, resulting in an overall waste of time, typing energy, money, and emotional distress.
With all things that you sell, there is a success rate, and a failure rate. Most of us don't even realized the amount of time we spend each and everyday making people "want" us. It is really a part time job, especially if you are online dating, updating multiple social media avenues, and applying for a job - not sure how we find enough time to do all this selling while working a 9-5. Seems just easier to go to a street corner, throw on a dress and skip the underwear, shake our ass, change our voice, give someone a good time for an hour and walk away amicably. Good lord, I guess we are not heading for social entropy after all.
The thing is most of this is true and I think most people know that it’s true, but they still engage because it’s an opportunity to do so without being publicly called out. Narcissism should be part of FB’s name, and if someone wants to start a fight with me about the inappropriate status update I made that snubs republicans or when I rant about bullshit, then that’s fine because its non-confrontational crap that you can debate and then just delete if you don’t like it. As I upload photos of myself, I usually feel a wave of uneasiness because the process feels unnatural, almost as unnatural as posting photos of booze to show what I a good time I am having, but we all still do it. The suggestive implications that FB allows us to make are endless. I usually don’t pay much attention to blogs, but I guess you have accomplished selling yourself on this while being slightly witty and fairly narcissistic because I actually paid attention for once. Sometimes a male’s perspective, even packed with vulgarities, is enlightening.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Vulgarity sometimes helps to get the point across. It is not always needed, but why censor yourself right? Facebook is what I tried to spend less time on in this post, mainly because it is too hard to analyze why people post the things they do, and a lot of times it is even more emotional that just trying to see yourself. Whatever the reason is though, you know it is going public, and you want a specific set of people to see it, unless you are a rare breed of the population that posts simply for themselves. I think I have yet to meet anyone who does that.
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