For 60 days, write down three things that you are thankful for.
At the time prior to this exercise I was emotionally paralyzed by the stress of my current job and was legitimately creating a mental debate. Each morning I contemplated whether to get out of bed and make coffee, or get out belt, a chair to kick and some porn for good measure. Seriously, I was 25, hating the thought of going to work everyday, and feeling bad for myself. Why? What had been all that bad? Thus far I have had college paid for me, made decent money, got laid fairly regularly and had a decent enough metabolism to eat ice cream sandwiches and lays potato chips as a regular meal.
I needed to reevaluate my life, what I wanted to do, what I was doing, in order to see what I needed to change. I thought this exercise was a good way to move forward instead of getting creative with a butter knife. I move forward with words.
In the beginning, the first ten days, I had no trouble. I listed off my parents and siblings, extended family, good health, financial stability, things that we take for granted, but easy things to remember when you think about what you are thankful for. The process got a little harder, I started thinking a bit more about tangible things like coffee and its deliciously intoxicating flavors getting you moving in the morning. I wrote down great literature and the lives of authors who have inspired me with their beautiful and articulate vernacular. I wrote down favorite bands that lift my spirits, and feather down comforter blankets, and guitar strings perfectly tuned. I didn't run into much difficulty here, I just had to think about the things that make me smile and what I look forward to when the fan hits the shit.
Around day 35 or 40, no, it was day 41 I could see a change. It was a passionate change I must say, and probably the most enlightening part of this process. Ironically, I came into a beautiful realization, from a process that started due to the repressed desire to make sure people can no longer be thankful for my existence.
At first, I was stuck. I kept typing things that were idiotic, that i was simply not thankful for. I had run out, and failed at the exercise. My life must not be that good because I cannot even think of 60 days of things I am thankful for, or 180 items. Fuck maybe I should go get the belt, the chair, the butter knife, throw on dashboard confessionals, and call it a life.
I closed my eyes and wrote. I wrote abstractly. When I had finished writing my three for that day, day 42, I had more I wanted to write down. I wanted to get ahead, I had so many amazing things I was thankful for. I held back, I refrained from getting ahead of myself and stayed true to the exercise. After all, I was going to complete it now, I was going to live. Fuck off butter knife, go spread some toast.
What did I write down? I'll share a bit:
I am thankful that I got to see Niagara Falls with my mother
I am thankful that my farther taught me how to run a printing press, even though I will never print more than a essay from a computer.
I am thankful that my sister says "I love you" every time we hang up the phone.
I am thankful that I got to ride on my little brother's first rollercoaster while he cried the entire way
I am thankful that people actually want to, and sometimes enjoy sleeping with me.
I am thankful to have been cheated on, to know how it hurts
I am thankful to have someone say they love me even if I didn't love them in return
I am thankful that I drank for 17 hours straight during my 21st birthday, threw up in grocery basket, legit cried over spilt milk, and fell asleep in a strange freshmens bed (female thank god).
Now I know I may have gone a bit far on the inferred suicide remarks, but I was trying to make a point. However morose it is that i arrived at my point, I think I have made it. I did not want to kill myself and hardly listen to dashboard confessionals anymore, but I was going through a rough time, and I was tragically unhappy. After completing this TED talk I realized it truly was an "idea that inspires." I could go on for another 60 days about all the amazing one-time experiences that I have had that I am thankful that I lived for. It is the relationships and moments that I have been fortunate enough to have
Now, I cannot be sure of this fact, but I bet if everyone I knew did this exercise, there would be a few lines where my name was put down. I am most thankful of all that I can make a difference in the life of someone else, and have their life be just a little bit better because of it, no matter how small the betterment is.
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