I will always remember my stepfather for his kind threat phrases, "I'll crack your head like a walnut," "snap your neck like a dry twig." Even more memorable is his comment that took place anytime I didn't like what was happening, or enduring a difficult task, he told me "It builds character." I have come to believe that everything that is truly fucking miserable builds character.
At my ripe age of 25, I feel I have a lot of character.
Recently I am faced with one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. I can feel the seeds of character sprouting in my gut, feeding off my stomach acid and I chase down coffee to think faster. The pressing option is to leave a city I have been in for 2 years, leave my newly acquired friends, an amazing girl who would do more than twice as much as I would ever do for her, and at least 40 restaurants that I love. Leave DC and move to Boston, MA with a job offer for a Marketing Manager position at a Mobile Application Startup. I know that job probably sounds like one step up from stacking apples at the Whole Foods, but it really is a great resume booster...there I go convincing myself.
The truth is I really do not know what the best decision is. So I drink, and I smoke, and I ask myself "How many times can I listed to Boston by Augustana in one night?" The answer of course is 32. You can actually listen to it about 90 times (+/- 1) in 6 hours since its only a four minute song. But, after 30 you just want to set fire to at least 10 of those stupid fucking pianos in the music video that are going to waste on the wet beach.
I'll digress from what is soon going to turn into a pity party for myself, because nothing is wrong. I have a great job opportunity in Boston, and I have turned down one job in DC. I am sure I can find another one within 1 month. This does not make anything easier, as the character in my gut just keeps growing feverishly like a Giraffe Chia pet, stretching to my throat and choking me with indecision.
Cooler part? I will never know if the decision I make is the correct one. I am sure someone reading this will have a similar situation and is probably saying "screw you asshole, my move was much further." Or perhaps they are saying "at least your decision is not to either live with your parents another year, or grab a trash can, paper box, and tin Maxwell House container and shake it on 5th Avenue." So, I guess there is a bright side.
But as we travel down these hopefully "straight" roads of life, we realize they meander, for one reason or another. Things change, people change, you yourself change everyday. What works for you one day, week, or year may not work the next, and that is okay. The hardest game of hide and seek I have ever played was when I went out searching for myself. I am still looking, but I can say I have seen some pretty cool shit along the sidewalks, cities, and homes I traveled into looking behind the couch, or in the TV stand for myself.
In final thought, I will continue to build character. The only wrong decision in this life is to choose not to live, and that has never been an option. Maybe this decision should be made by a coin flip.
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