First Date

Text message, are you there? I am here, you are where?
Wearing blue, and slim fit slacks, lord I hope she isn't wearing flats.
Wake up praying she is tan, 5 ft 6 and frail thin
Just enough tucked in her bra, booty shorts and thin cut thong.

Is he really single, girl I hope hes cute, Ill fucking die if he is 5 ft 2
I am here, you are where? Short cut dress, should i say no underwear?
Hope he's tall but not too tall, please don't be wearing a fossil
Jeans are fine, but slacks are fly, pleats make me want legit want to cry.

There she is, not quite what I thought
Thanks Greg, dirty blonde not black, at least shes hot
Adjust my shirt, its tucked in just right, expose the Breiling nice and bright
Check the breath pre-liquor chase, here's a toast to the first date

Kind of dapper, like the shoes, Ferragamo maybe, or just Sunday blues.
I hope this dress isn't to slutty, but I hope its...kind of slutty.
Pulls out my chair, chivalry ain't dead, wonder if he makes his morning bed
Nervously adjust my silverware, smile aloofly as if not to care.

Nice move man, the chair pull is classy as fuck
If I ask her to go home and skip this waste of time and money would i be pushing my luck?
Ah, screw it Ill order a drink or two, maybe a duck panini and a little side au jus.
I think she's nervous she keeps touching is plate, but she' staring I def. have food on my face.

Why does he keep checking his breath, does he think i would even consider kissing his neck?
Glad he just stepped on my toe, if this is flirting, might as well grab my vibrator and go
But he ordered me a dirty martini mc screamy, and im starting to see him as kind of "dreamy"
One more of these and I could throw some inhibitions onto the side walk and walk all over them to his place.

Drink up beautiful, made that a double - asshole I know but these drinks cause me trouble
Spend too much here, but its all for the thrill, she may even give it up at will.
Garcon please bring me another, need to keep up with Ms. "Already under"
Now I yawn and say its getting late, time to move on to the second part of the date

One night stand..could i do it? My friends wont know, i live alone, screw it.
He touches my leg and i move a bit closer, what do I have to lose? Virginity was gone in 2006, somewhere in October.
If he doesnt pay the bill, I may have to reconsider, not that i dont have it but my pretentious nature is bitter.
I'll grab him by the arm and let him escort me home, then I suppose i will let him slip me the bone.
________________________________________________________
Yeahhh...right.

I bought seven drinks as she pounded them back like she was a sophmore in college. I bashfully paid the bill doing the calculations in my head about how low my checking account was, wishing I didnt drop 4k on a fucking Breitling last weekend just to look cool and foolish.

I then walked home, clutching my dignity between my right armpit and rib cage and stepping on my lack of respect for myself the whole 700ft home from the bar. Got home, poured a free drink that i could have poured 2 hours ago, 110 bucks richer, and 1/3 less sweaty.

Good lord. Dating is fun. I'll never call her again. She was 5'4, pale, and stupid.