Found in my opinion, the opinion of my peers, and other mildly educated and soberingly boring scholars; those who marry at a young age tend to be less successful. Now, success is measured in multiple ways. In efforts to stay as pretentious and greed driven as possible, while keeping the conversation focused, I am talking about financial success. With that being said, financial success has bearing on other success factors; happiness, adventure, breadth of knowledge, experience, and vanity.
Woman and men alike are bolting out of their collegiate doors, dripping with eagerness and overinflated egos. Their college professors have filled their minds with ill-fitting complements, while showering themselves with praise for preparing their students perfectly for the "everyday world." The old adage "those who can do, and those who can't teach" seems overly apparent here. Many of the profound, literate, and astute professors never once stepped out of the classroom. They merely switched roles from sitting to standing, and some not even that. The truth of the matter is the only thing usable from those 4 years amounting to $180,000 is how to write a cover letter and construct a readable resume that looks JUST LIKE the other 1.78million bachelor degree graduates from 2012.
Still, we fight. We persevere. We take on $36k salaries in the middle of cities and watched rich people's children or serve beer to the patrons of the financial district at night to make ends meet. We are a strong and horny class. We get by and push because the weight of our wallet correlates with our appeal. Men want sex and woman want to be wanted for sex. How dow we get sex? You get your ass out of the back of the bar and start ordering rounds for the folks around you.
So we keep fighting.
We are single and eager with sweat on our brow and determination dripping off the fangs of our canine teeth. We dig deeper to taste that sweet bloody flesh of success. The credit card limit increases and the bar job shoots out the window like a line of blow up a transparent tube.
College is gone and half the friends from there are considered pions as you have risen above the ashes. You bumped over the $50k/year salary threshold and those who make that are doing okay, but aren't you. You eat out once or twice a week, and a date at a chain restaurant is frowned upon. If you are a female you expect a GOOD meal, vegetarian or not, its going to be fucking plated well. Guys stop shopping the sale racks, but still check the tags. Girls, pick up at least one friend named Jimmy Choo. You are still renting but its not Southie, it isn't Hoboken, your commute is...not...half the fucking business day. You could not be any more single and you're hard or wet from it - a casual online date/sex session here, a date with an old college friend there who likes your new watch (not fossil). Why settle down girls? Your boss thinks your sexy and his boss trusts you more with the assignments - you're moving up and middle class just wont do.
HERE IS THE TIPPING POINT. Some will meet someone "special" during the time of peak acceleration. They will be okay in life but they have not given it enough time for the rocket launchers to be fully ramped up. They will miss the opportunity to fly without a harness. These people settle down, and fall in the 33% chance of being financially successful. They may have a partner who supports them and will move across the country for a new opportunity or say "lets wait for kids" and try Europe out. Most wont. Most will put back on the fangs only to suck the life out of your bone marrow, force you to buy too early, sell too soon, and to take less risks than a calling heads two-headed quarter.
The other fine young men and woman...those who decide to put aside consistent sex with the same person. Those who skip buying a house outside the city, picking up a compact vehicle, and throw away the birth control for baby planning, keep on keeping on. They know when to stop though. They know when they have peaked and they are high enough and comfortable enough in their position to know that the success will continue for their remaining years. These people have a 68% or higher chance of being financially successful. Its not that they don't want a family. Family can assist in remaining stable and regulated, bring you happiness you cannot earn on your own, and allow you to share the beauties of the world with something other than your frontal lobes and retinas.
The 68%'ers are on top of the world right before they settle down and wed. They just picked up a luxury two-seater...if its a threesome night then the third is going down on the passenger while you drive. If they say 'fuck the car, I am in the city,' they stop renting. They invest in property that will never lose value - downtown, limelight. The trendy J.Crew timex turns into an Audemars. The Clarke's loafers are Ferragamos. The apartment has a doorman other than a pissy old asian landlord. The boat has a bedroom, the bedroom has an actual bed. Haircuts are scheduled and planned, and dont only come into fruition when its a necessity. You don't shave yourself, and you jerk off because you want to, not because you have to. Woman have everything they need and are not looking for a man to "bring home the bacon." They buy what they want when they want and wear things once a season. Their closet is separated by dates of the year, and there is no need to make room for new clothes, only building new places for them and donating the old pieces. Work hours are shorter and the places on your paycheck to the left of the decimal point are longer. You piss excellent and drink down Dom Perignon to replenish the body.
There is the back end of this story, and that is the back end 33%'ers. They hit their peak, life was great, but eventually they lost sight of their governing values and their eyes become blinded by the shimmering light. As I mentioned before; family, property, travel, and relaxing is needed to fulfill life, for most people. Those who go overboard and stop to smell the roses at the top, will eventually topple over. Some of these people over indulge - they spend on too many frivolous items forgetting that one day the money does stop pouring in at its current flow. Others become infatuated with the glory of the poisonous things that addict and infect our bodies; booze, drugs, sexual disease. Their fun kills them slowly and surely. They start looking like Mic Jagger too young and find out too early that they are not build like a rock star, or that those stars sometime fall hard form the sky without a saving wish.
There is no perfect formula. Its like a perfect shot that if we knew how to make it, we would drink it all day, everyday. 1/3 part patience, 1/8 part greed, 1/4 arrogance, and I don't know what else. All we can do is think hard about each decision we make and understand that our financial success depends on each of them, small and large. Here's to the 68% chance. Let us drink in the warm fizz of success and spit it out before it loses all its sweetness.
