Psychological egoism is the concept that all humans are motivated or driven by self-interest, or at least delusions of grandeur for ones self, even if those acts appear altruistic in ones mind. While, I believe this concept is very accurate for many decision I myself make, I do not believe that every benevolent act is done for self-improvement.
Late last night I got a call that my Uncle Fran, brother of my close Grandfather had passed away from liver failure. He had a long battle with this illness. I can count on one hand how many times I had seen Uncle Fran. Our relationship was cut short by the differences he shared with his brother, essentially ostracizing one side of the family from the other. The point is, we were not close, I didn't cry, and I felt nervous for the call to my grandfather. I simply did not know what to say to him. How would I show sympathy for a man who I was kept from most of my life due to his alleged shortcomings?
I made the call. I apologized for his loss, and I began to feel sad. I could hear the pain in his voice, I could hear that he was scared. The people around him were slowly passing away. His sister is in a nursing home with terrible dementia, and while she has her wits about her, she simply does not recognize her friends and family. His wife of 35 years is on hospice care, and breathing through a tube. And now, his brother has left him after years of hardly speaking. He is facing the harsh reality and inevitable realization that our time here is finite - there is an end. I can hear the worry, and almost monotone words, flowing from his lips and transmitting to my ears. His ennui pattern shines light on his defensiveness and lack of desire to let his emotion show. At this point, I change the conversation and ask about something innocuous, just to break the depression and avoid the possibility of extending anymore useless platitudes.
I remembered at that moment a passage from a book called Tuesday's With Morrie. Throughout the book, the maim dying character, discusses life, and his lack of fear for dying. He believes he has lived a complete life, gave back to humanity, and helped 3 beautiful children grow. I will paraphrase:
In South Africa, there is a tribe who see the world as a fixed quantity of energy between all living creatures. Every birth must therefore be endangered by a lack of death, and thus every death brings forth a NEW life keeping life complete. "what we take, we must replenish, It's only fair."
With the view on life and death, I feel there is a childbirth that is truly altruistic, and wholly meaningful. In order to keep the balance of life, to keep the world whole and spinning, there must be death, and there must be birth. We owe it to the world to continue to procreate, and in the same hand assist a love one in dying the best way we can. One could argue that this is an entitled decision, but I would respectfully disagree. I would say the choice for having a child is predicated upon the desire to keep the world spinning as it should.
With that in mind, I believe that many people bare children for the wrong reason. They do it because it was an accident and feel some religious reason to keep it alive. They do it because its the societal norm, and they desire to fit in with people their same age, to share the experience. They do it to prove something, that they can raise a child into wealth and success. Comparatively, having a child for the wrong reason, is like a suicide. Maybe in the South African tribe, that is how a suicide is justified. I will have to look into it.
I do not believe this post truly answered my friends question, but as always, I hope it has induced some thought while scrolling left to right.
